Ah Life

yeah, life has sort of had me down this semester. it has been a bit rough, but God is faithful and i know that this is all a part of his plan to make me love Him more. it is hard for me to even explain what was so bad. a big part of it had to do with an amazing relationship that some how went bad and the rest has just been a spiritual battle i think. i've lacked a lot of joy in my heart even when nothing around me had changed at all. sometimes i just feel a dark heaviness in me. i don't know. God is good and He promises peace and joy and life to the full! He loves me well and He will fight this battle for me. that is comforting and i pray that i would believe that! i am blessed.

it was funny to me to read that last entry that i posted. it was quite awhile ago and stuff sure has changed. i was dating a boy and was pretty much head over heals for him. i don't know what happened, but it got real messed up. i think we sort of rushed things/i freaked out/we were both very selfish. i don't know, but i miss what it was. i miss who he was. i miss how he loved me so well. i miss being able to encourage him. he is amazing, but i don't know where that man went. we had a good relationship and i don't know where that went.

i pray for us a lot, but i am getting to a point where i don't know if there is hope anymore. i don't know if it will be fixed, or if i even want it to be fixed. as of now, i don't. he freaked on me recently and doesn't want to talk for a few weeks. that is fine, but i might be gone when he decides to come back...

hold fast to what is good.