Party Throwing Etiquette

I don't want to brag or anything, but I think I am a pretty good party thrower. I'm sure that people who have attended one of our parties won't tell you it was the most crazy night they've ever had, but they will probably tell you they had fun and felt cared for. In recent years I have seen that many people think they are good at party throwing, but have a serious lack of party throwing etiquette and this really needs to be remedied before the art of throwing a party is completely lost. The following is not intended to offend those of you who have broken these simple rules of thumb. I am merely trying to inform you and turn you into a better party thrower than you think you are now.

The main issue we are dealing with here is food. It seems recently that any time anyone throws any sort of a party they always include this line on the invite: "BRING A SIDE TO SHARE." Seems like a great concept...it makes party throwing cheaper and easier, but this is not always ok and people are seriously abusing it. I will lay this out for you.

It is NOT ok to tell your guests to bring a side when you are throwing a party recognizing yourself such as graduation, being born, showers, weddings, going away parties, etc. If you want to throw a party to recognize yourself you provide the food and spirits. Could you imagine being invited to a wedding and being asked to bring the food? Wouldn't you just be like, "What? That is so rude!" Well, you're doing the same thing when you ask someone to bring their own food to a birthday/graduation party you are throwing for yourself. In these situations YOU are the host and the host should be responsible for food and drinks. The people you invited just want to come celebrate with you and be fed.

I've been getting a lot of graduation party invites lately asking me to bring food. This seriously makes me consider not going because I don't want to provide food for your celebration. Also, you have to keep in mind that some people have multiple graduation parties to go to in a day and we can't just buy 11 different sides and take one to every party we go to. Then you've also got people showing up who didn't bring anything and feel like they can't partake in the food that's there so they don't eat, get hungry, and leave crabby. No one wants that. They won't be back and before you know it you are tagged as 'the people who throw lame parties.' Also, lets just be honest...you never know what you're going to get if you leave the food up to the guests. You usually end up with 30 bags of chips, a liter of coke, and tons of dessert. If you're throwing a party you want to have a good, well balanced spread and the only way to control that is to provide the food yourself.

Don't worry...to all of you who will be attending our graduation party in a few weeks....food and drinks provided. Duh.

Now, sometimes it is ok to ask people to bring food to share. Here are some examples:

1) A spontaneous friend hangout dinner. "Hey guys, lets grill out tonite. You bring a side, you bring a dessert, you get the drinks, and we'll take care of the meat."

2) Tailgating.

3) Your bible study or small group decides to eat together one week. Every one shares in the bringing of the word. I mean the food.

4) You are throwing a shower for someone. HOWEVER...this is only ok if you limit the asking of people to bring food to family who will be there or the people who have volunteered to help you throw it.

5) Church picnics/potlucks

6) A family party or get-together

7) You and friends from class decide to throw a Christmas party. You can offer to have it at your house if others bring food.

8) A casual summer BBQ in celebration of nothing but friendship.

Also, if you have good friends who have good "party going etiquette" they will most likely say, "Is there anything we can bring?" Tell them that they are the most amazing friends ever and then have them bring something you need.

So you see? Sometimes it is totally legit. If you'd like to run a situation by me I would love to help you figure out if you are in violation or not.

Now onto the next order of business. (Also related to food.) If you throw a party during a meal time, you should serve an actual meal. If your wedding reception starts at 6pm you can't just give me cake. If you invite me over for a party from 11:30-2pm and all you give me is drinks and cookies I am still going to have to stop by Chick-fil-A on the way home and I will not feel cared for or fulfilled by going to your party. I will only feel cared for by the lovely Chick-fil-A staff. They always provide the food.

Ok, so I know what some of you are thinking. Well, some of you are probably thinking that I am a huge fatty and just want to get free food all the time. Could be true. Others of you are thinking, "But I am too poor to provide all the food. I want to have a party, but it gets expensive." There are a couple solutions here. #1- Have a party during a "not meal time," before 11am, 2-4pm or after 8pm, and serve small snacks. Appetizers if you will. That is totally fine. Guests shouldn't expect a meal, they'll still get a little food, and you can spend less money. #2- Throw a party with someone else. Team up with a buddy and share in the costs.

This may sound petty, but it really determines the greatness of your party throwing. People want to be loved. When do most Americans feel loved? When you give them food. Or beer. Just observe these basic rules and you will be good to go. Or you can ignore it, thats fine too. But I will not help you eat those 30 bags of chips you have left over. Those are all yours.