Joy, Love, Hope, and Pees

There are only a few hours of Christmas left, but I still wanted to wish everyone a happy one! I hope your day was full of good ol' family love and cheer. One of the kids that I babysit drew this picture and it cracks me up. I wanted to use it to convey my Merry Christmas message to you all.

Hope, love, joy, and pees...what more could ask for at Christmas time? Merry Christmas everyone!

Your Mama

I don't have to do much to keep myself entertained at work. As you may know, I am a paraprofessional at an elementary school. I work with the special ed kiddos and love it. They are so great. My kids give me a good story almost every day and even though I may present these stories to you with a hint of sarcasm, I truly do find joy in every one of these moments.

And with that serious note out of the way...on we go to the sarcasm part.

Today I was working with these two little second grade guys on their spelling and they started telling "your mama" jokes. Now, I realize that I should have done the right thing and told them to stop because what they were saying was inappropriate and disrespectful. Plus, we were supposed to be working. Well...I couldn't help myself. I had to listen and take notes so that I could share these harsh slams on moms with you all. I mean...we all used to do it right? Aren't you just the slightest bit curious as to how the "your mama" jokes have progressed since you used them? I am happy and honored to be the one to bridge the gap between generations for you all.

Here are the most frequent ones I heard from these two guys:

Your mama is so stupid she can't ring the doorbell.

Your mama is so stupid she doesn't know how to answer questions.

Your mama is so fat she doesn't know anything.

Your mama is so fat she doesn't know her ABC's.

Your mama is so fat she doesn't pay her bills.


And now....for my favorite...

Your mama is so stupid she didn't paint the wall green. (I never could figure out if he was actually saying 'Wal-greens,' but none the less, it still doesn't make a lick of sense.)


After that they just kept repeating the same ones over and over and eventually turned it into a song. At this point I realized that the moment had passed and we went back to our spelling lesson.

The Top Ten Things I Will Never Be Able To Do, Even If I Wanted To

Ah, my lovely blog followers, my deepest apologies for allowing so much time between posts. I hope Andy hasn't taken me off his blog roll...

My mom, sister and I just returned from a little Thanksgiving weekend trip to Las Vegas. They say what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, but I found that, for me, it was more like, "The money you bring to Vegas to gamble with stays in Vegas." Obviously I didn't win any money and no, I don't have any stories that should have "stayed in Vegas." (I mean, even if I did I couldn't tell you.) Probably the best thing we saw there was Mystere, a crazy acrobatic show performed by Cirque du Soleil. I was sitting there in the theater watching these people do these crazy stunts and I realized...these are things that I know for a fact I will never ever ever be able to do in my life. It was ridiculous. So, I have put together this Top Ten list to both share my experience with you and to highlight how much cooler these people are than me.

And now...

The Top Ten Things I Will Never Be Able To Do, Even If I Wanted To:

#10- Wear this outfit to work.


#9- Ride on the back of this snail.


#8- Stand on a large ball for more than 2 seconds without even moving.


#7- Hold onto someone while swinging upside down a million feet in the air. (Ok, not a million, but it was freakin' high!)



#6- Swing and flip from bar to bar with multiple other people trying to complete the same task...a million feet in the air.


#5- Balance myself on one hand on a small platform...a million feet in the air.


#4- Balance a very strong man upside down on my shoulder. (And let's face it, I couldn't be the other guy either.)


#3- Hang very high in the air by one hand while using my feet to flip a large metal cube around.


#2- That.


And, the number one thing that I will never be able to do even if I wanted to is....




I can't even explain what is happening here. It is real though...I saw it.


There you have it folks. I know you thought I was talented, but I have finally found some people who can out do me. The pictures don't really even do these people justice. The things they could do were crazy!!!!!!!!

I suppose I shouldn't be so negative, though. Maybe if I start now I could do one of those things. At least get that outfit and wear it to work.