Joy, Love, Hope, and Pees

There are only a few hours of Christmas left, but I still wanted to wish everyone a happy one! I hope your day was full of good ol' family love and cheer. One of the kids that I babysit drew this picture and it cracks me up. I wanted to use it to convey my Merry Christmas message to you all.

Hope, love, joy, and pees...what more could ask for at Christmas time? Merry Christmas everyone!

Your Mama

I don't have to do much to keep myself entertained at work. As you may know, I am a paraprofessional at an elementary school. I work with the special ed kiddos and love it. They are so great. My kids give me a good story almost every day and even though I may present these stories to you with a hint of sarcasm, I truly do find joy in every one of these moments.

And with that serious note out of the way...on we go to the sarcasm part.

Today I was working with these two little second grade guys on their spelling and they started telling "your mama" jokes. Now, I realize that I should have done the right thing and told them to stop because what they were saying was inappropriate and disrespectful. Plus, we were supposed to be working. Well...I couldn't help myself. I had to listen and take notes so that I could share these harsh slams on moms with you all. I mean...we all used to do it right? Aren't you just the slightest bit curious as to how the "your mama" jokes have progressed since you used them? I am happy and honored to be the one to bridge the gap between generations for you all.

Here are the most frequent ones I heard from these two guys:

Your mama is so stupid she can't ring the doorbell.

Your mama is so stupid she doesn't know how to answer questions.

Your mama is so fat she doesn't know anything.

Your mama is so fat she doesn't know her ABC's.

Your mama is so fat she doesn't pay her bills.


And now....for my favorite...

Your mama is so stupid she didn't paint the wall green. (I never could figure out if he was actually saying 'Wal-greens,' but none the less, it still doesn't make a lick of sense.)


After that they just kept repeating the same ones over and over and eventually turned it into a song. At this point I realized that the moment had passed and we went back to our spelling lesson.

The Top Ten Things I Will Never Be Able To Do, Even If I Wanted To

Ah, my lovely blog followers, my deepest apologies for allowing so much time between posts. I hope Andy hasn't taken me off his blog roll...

My mom, sister and I just returned from a little Thanksgiving weekend trip to Las Vegas. They say what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, but I found that, for me, it was more like, "The money you bring to Vegas to gamble with stays in Vegas." Obviously I didn't win any money and no, I don't have any stories that should have "stayed in Vegas." (I mean, even if I did I couldn't tell you.) Probably the best thing we saw there was Mystere, a crazy acrobatic show performed by Cirque du Soleil. I was sitting there in the theater watching these people do these crazy stunts and I realized...these are things that I know for a fact I will never ever ever be able to do in my life. It was ridiculous. So, I have put together this Top Ten list to both share my experience with you and to highlight how much cooler these people are than me.

And now...

The Top Ten Things I Will Never Be Able To Do, Even If I Wanted To:

#10- Wear this outfit to work.


#9- Ride on the back of this snail.


#8- Stand on a large ball for more than 2 seconds without even moving.


#7- Hold onto someone while swinging upside down a million feet in the air. (Ok, not a million, but it was freakin' high!)



#6- Swing and flip from bar to bar with multiple other people trying to complete the same task...a million feet in the air.


#5- Balance myself on one hand on a small platform...a million feet in the air.


#4- Balance a very strong man upside down on my shoulder. (And let's face it, I couldn't be the other guy either.)


#3- Hang very high in the air by one hand while using my feet to flip a large metal cube around.


#2- That.


And, the number one thing that I will never be able to do even if I wanted to is....




I can't even explain what is happening here. It is real though...I saw it.


There you have it folks. I know you thought I was talented, but I have finally found some people who can out do me. The pictures don't really even do these people justice. The things they could do were crazy!!!!!!!!

I suppose I shouldn't be so negative, though. Maybe if I start now I could do one of those things. At least get that outfit and wear it to work.

A Little Voting Day Advice

The day is finally here. It is Election Day 2008 and this is supposed to be a big one!

Well, if you haven't gone out and voted yet or are still on the fence about who to vote for, I wanted to provide you with some last minute insights on the candidates.

I work at an elementary school and the election is the hot topic here today among the students. Seriously, these kiddos care about it and are not shy about sharing their opinions. I didn't have to bring it up once, they brought it up every time. I stood in the hallway this morning as the kids came in and they bombarded me with their opinions on who I should vote for. Some of them were literally mad that they aren't old enough to vote. Impressive.

So here is what I found out. It seems that Barack has the popular vote around here. Out of the 5 or 6 kids I talked to in depth (as in depth as you can get with a second grader) only two of them were for McCain. Each time any one of them told me who they favored I made sure to ask "why?" and these were the answers that I got:

Why Obama?
"He's cool"
"He's nice"
"He's funny"
"He'll lower our taxes"...to this I said, "not if you are rich" and she
replied with, "well, I'm not rich." Fair enough.

One of our autistic students just drew a picture of Obama and was chanting his name loudly. I think we all know his thoughts.

Why not Obama?
"He will kill people."

Why McCain?
"I like him"
"Because my dad's name is John"

And, my absolute favorite, when I asked one kiddo why I shouldn't vote for McCain he said, "He's going to die." Haha, I laughed a lot at that one.

I hope this helps all of you voters out there. These kids are pretty passionate about their decisions even if they don't actually have any good reason to be. Who knows, maybe they are on to something. Or maybe they just have passionate and vocal parents. :) Happy voting day!

Helping to Lower the Mouse Population One Trap at a Time

Oh my that was dramatic. I am still flustered as I document this event.

So for like three weeks now there has been a mouse living in my house. This is one bold mouse, too. He walks around like he owns the place.

Last week I ventured out to the store and stood staring at the array of mouse traps that there were to choose from. I decided to go the humane route and get one that doesn't kill the mouse, it just traps it and you let it go. Mistake. I did catch one, but freaked out when I had to let it go. I went outside with my gloves on ready to go and then just ended up throwing the whole trap in the trash can. The mouse sprung out at me just as I slammed the lid shut. I'm sure he got out and came back in the house too. I put the trap back later because apparently there was another mouse and I frequently saw him just walk right by it. He had figured me out. I finally got fed up and bought some good old fashion head snappin' mouse traps today. It was time to show this mouse whose house he was in.

I left around 9:00pm this evening to go watch The Hills with my lovely friends and when I came home I prepared myself to see if we'd had a catch. Trap #1 behind the door- clear. Trap #2 in the breakfast nook- clear. Trap #3 behind the chair in the living room...I think I see a tail...I think I see a little gray body....Ah I killed the cute little mouse!!!!!!!!!!! He was so small. He just wanted a little bite of the peanut butter that was laid out before him and then SNAP! right on the face/nose. It was very traumatic to see this.

Once I'd finished screaming and standing on the couch staring at it, my ever so patient fiancé had to talk me through the disposal of the mouse. It took quite a bit of talking too. I put a paper towel over the whole trap...backed up...bent down and reached...backed up...bent down again...had Alan count to three...twice, then I threw it in a bag and took him outside. Ha! Following that I had to clean his blood off the carpet. Sick.

So, that is my story. I wanted that mouse dead, but once I saw him lying there I shed a few tears and my heart was sad. It had to be done you say? Perhaps this is true, but if you just killed everyone that annoyed you in life you would probably be put in jail and you for sure wouldn't have very many friends. That is something to think about.